By Barbara Seifert Ph.D. CPC
One of the biggest reasons I see for what holds people back from going after their dreams, such as a promotion or a new job, is the worry about what others may think. It doesn’t matter who that is – that potential boss or a parent – those thoughts are there, lying in the subconscious just waiting to put up the STOP sign and keep you right where you are.
Imagine you are sitting in a meeting at work and your boss asks for ideas to for a new project you’re working on. You have a really great idea but you sit there, waiting to see if someone else will speak first, but there’s silence. You start looking around the table at other’s to see their reactions and if someone will take the plunge and start the conversation; but, sadly, no one does, so the boss tables the discussion but is now irritated with the team.
You walk back to your cube, now beating yourself up for not sharing your idea, and wondering if you’ll ever be able to. You know it’s a good idea and would help work flow easier but you don’t know what the boss, or your teammates, would think so you go back to working the old ways. And you know feel demoralized.
Have you ever experienced this? I have. I used to not speak up in meetings or at networking groups; social media? uh, no – what if someone says something negative? I’m sure we’ve all worried, at one time or another, about what someone else might think and have not expressed our views or taken action on something we want. We worry so much about what others think, who are most likely caught in their own thoughts of which we are not a blip on the radar.
To stop this cycle of worry about what others think, we must override the subconscious and challenge the thoughts we have; remember that 98% of our thoughts lie in the subconscious, just waiting to come out. When you have a worry about what someone ‘might’ think, ask yourself if it’s true – will they reject your idea? will they yell at you? are you going to die? You can’t answer ‘yes’ to any of these as we do not know if something will occur – we are predicting, which is a dangerous road to be on.
Don’t let this worry hold you down. Test it out – start by taking a small step on your goal and look at the result. Challenge yourself to take the step (or have someone else hold you accountable) and move – I will bet that it will be a positive result, plus it will show you that you can so you can take more bold actions.
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