By Danna Beal
Trust and compassion are the main ingredients in a healthy, satisfying, and productive workplace. Unfortunately, most workplaces have cultures filled with dysfunction and drama. The one-upmanship, internal competition, and battles for power and validation have created cultures of fear and paranoia. It is no surprise the Gallup Reports that nearly 70% of American employees are disengaged at work. That should register as a crisis amongst corporate leaders.
Awakening in the workplace and restoring your own confidence, authentic power, and inner peace starts with the courage to look within. Placing a fixed eye on your own fears and insecurities is the path to freedom and inner spiritual greatness. As you unravel the stories you are telling yourself and your subsequent reactions, you will see how you are hooked into the drama at work and the world. When you focus on healing your own inner fears, you will find the source of your own authentic power–regardless of the actions and reactions of others. When you are in fear, you are not connected to your true source, LOVE–the power that sustains all life. LOVE supersedes and is more powerful than all the artificial power currently reigning in most workplaces.
Here are seven keys that, if sincerely practiced with dedication and commitment, will bring you freedom, joy, and success!
1. Do not hold others responsible for your feelings, actions and circumstances.
When we blame others, make excuses, or deny our responsibilities for ourselves, we are unknowingly giving away our own authentic power. We are actually seeing ourselves as self-righteous victims. Being a victim creates feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Facing your inadequate feelings with love, understanding, and compassion brings about incredible relief and, ultimately, leads to self-forgiveness. Denying your fears strengthens the beliefs of unworthiness. So be gentle with yourself and give yourself love and acceptance. What we are unwilling to see in ourselves, we projected onto others, which only escalates the drama. Blame is the biggest problem in the workplace because it causes reactions and counter-reactions creates and sustains the on-going web of egos. As you release yourself, you release others.
2. Do not compare yourself to others.
When we compare ourselves to other people we inevitably experience feelings of superiority or inferiority-both of which are not true. As human beings, we are equal souls with unique gifts and unlimited potential. The problem is that we keep judging ourselves, criticizing ourselves, and even practicing hidden self-loathing. This self-deprecation becomes an automatic pattern and we beat ourselves up, punish, and berate ourselves for not being what we believe is good enough. We are much harder on ourselves than anyone else. Hidden beliefs of unworthiness, stemming from childhood, cause unconscious feelings of shame. The antidote is loving ourselves and appreciating our own, unique gifts. Clarity, inspiration, creativity, and even genius itself, originate from LOVE-not from comparisons or imitations of others.
3. Do not seek personal glory and approval from others.
Looking for approval and validation from external sources is a stumbling block, limiting our own confidence and abilities. We are no longer listening to our own inner guidance which restricts our full potential. Often, when we listen to others, we are unwittingly allowing their opinions and limited judgements to impact our own life. Truly successful people throughout time, first, had an unwavering, deep belief in their own worth and chosen path. When you trust the awesome power of your inner spiritual greatness, you will not be restricted by others’ thoughts or beliefs. You do not need approval when you are following your spiritual vocation-and the results will become self-evident. We all have tests from time to time, in our careers and our lives, and when we respond with integrity and courage, it brings about a shift in our spiritual development-multiplying our opportunities for success. So be true to your inner, authentic self and give up the need for approval.
4. Do not deny your feelings and emotions.
As a society, we hold beliefs about appearing strong, not being vulnerable, and not allowing our true feelings and emotions to be expressed. Both men and women find it hard to feel their true emotions and most of us attempt to distract ourselves, deny the feelings, and believe we must reassure others that we are just great-that we have it all handled. We attempt to keep up an image of what we believe will win us respect and love. In so doing this, we are denying our real feelings. Repressing emotions causes a lot of inner pain and eventually results in sickness or over-reaction to situations or other people. Repressed feelings actually drain your energy and keep you stuck. When you can allow them to come up, allow yourself to cry and express your pain, anger, rage, etc., (safely without hurting someone else) you will open the door to new insights, breakthroughs, clarity, and joy.
5. Do not withhold your love from others.
We withhold love from others because we believe we are separate. When we can start to see that we are all inter-connected, like drops of water in the same ocean, we will change our perspective. We will see that what we see in others is a reflection of ourselves. We can began to love generously. It starts with self-love. I believe the Golden Rule is true even when we aren’t consciously practicing it. We do and give unto others exactly proportionately to what we do and give unto ourselves. And if we love ourselves we can see start to see others as different versions of ourselves-each wanting love and acceptance.
If we are fearful and critical of ourselves we project those feelings onto others-expressed as blame, greed, criticism, and scathing actions. Withholding love is often a form of manipulation. We try to control others by withholding our love, believing we can change their behavior by holding back our love. We have walls to keep our hearts safe and we censor our feelings and expressions even to people we truly love. So start to express your genuine love to those around you. Then try to spread it to those you don’t think you love or people you don’t know. Try to look at people’s eyes and see that they are loveable, too-even if they don’t know it. When you are giving love to others you are truly giving it to yourself. I like to compare love to sunshine– our hearts can radiate “loveshine.”
6. Do not feed your ego with external things-it is insatiable.
Most people believe if they have enough money and material things they will finally be satisfied. Studies show that people think that money and fame will make for a happy life. But according to Robert Waldinger, Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, in a 75 year study of adults, relationships-family, friends and loved ones, are what really made people happy. It wasn’t even the number of friends or family, but the quality of the relationships. Needing palatial homes, fame, fancy cars, and jewelry, are ways the ego validates itself. I call them the props in the drama in the workplace and the world. We can enjoy nice things but when we believe they are who we are-that without them we are not worthy, we are relying on the props and we fear losing them. Clinging to the props causes greed, anxiety, and fear in the workplace. As you give up your need to have a lot of props, you align with your true self, your radiant authentic self. Connecting with your inner spirit and soul is the only thing that will truly satisfy you. Then you will be able to enjoy abundance and all its attributes without being dependent on them for your identity.
7. Do not resist fear or inner pain -go through it.
“The sky is falling.” says Chicken Little in the childhood story, running to tell her friends that the sky is falling after being hit on the head by an acorn. Most of us tend to believe the worst is going to happen-that the consequences will be unbearable, and so we run for cover or look for someone to blame. We also seek allies and potential protectors. When we are facing conflicts or situations in the workplace, our ego wants to protect us, so we resist the fear or inner pain. We avoid looking at it, hold it in, and deny it. But what we don’t realize is that the resistance itself is the source of the suffering, not the situation or other people. The pain is a messenger from your soul, offering you healing. Every time you feel resistance, take a deep breath, allow the pain to surface. Have the courage to stop running, denying, or blaming, and instead, face your fear. When you can release your pain, forgive yourself, and rejoice in your personal restoration to your true self, you will awaken from the workplace drama and be an authentically empowered, enlightened leader, regardless of your title or role.
