by Carthage Buckley, Stress and Performance Coach
I have said it again and again but there is one single word which is more important than any other when it comes to managing your productivity. That word is ‘No’. The power of ‘No’ is quite amazing. There are many things which you would love to do in your life. Some would argue that you should say ‘Yes’ to every opportunity which comes your way. But to do that is to hand over control of your time to those who are making the requests i.e. anybody but you. You simply cannot master your time management and productivity when you allow others to dictate how you use your time. The ultimate power of ‘No’ is that it gives you back control of your time.
People really struggle to say ‘No’. Perhaps that is because they fail to fully understand that they only have a limited time to get things done. At some point, I would recommend that you sit down and work out how much time you have and, would like to allocate, for each area of your life. When you then add time for essentials such as sleep and eating; you will see that there is only a limited amount of time for each area.
Now you should be able to see that you will never be able to do everything which you would like to do in each area of your life. That’s why effective time management is not about getting more done; it is about getting the right tasks done. The power of ‘No’ is that it allows you to eliminate the majority of potential tasks and, focus on the tasks which will deliver a real benefit to your life.
The real power of ‘No’
The real power of ‘No’ is that it brings you a broad range of benefits. The following are the five biggest benefits you will experience when you learn to become more comfortable with saying ‘No’.
1. You conserve energy
It is possible to build your energy levels and you can strive to do so in several ways e.g. diet, exercise, improved sleep etc. Of course, the best way to ensure you have the energy you need, when you need it, is to stop wasting precious energy on things which don’t really matter.
If you haven’t learned to manage your time effectively, you can be certain that you are wasting precious energy on tasks which shouldn’t be getting your time and energy. When you start to say ‘No’ you will not only stop wasting energy; you will recover better from your daily exertions, allowing you to return to your work with more energy, motivation and enthusiasm.
“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything”. Warren Buffett
2. You can achieve a better balance in your life
Most people feel like they are not getting enough done on any given day. They would like to do more. Unfortunately, there is one strategy which most people employ to get more done. That strategy is to spend more time on their work. That’s not a solution because amongst other things, it destroys your work life balance.
What is the point in doing more work if it means enjoying less private time? Time to spend with your family and friends, time to spend on your favourite hobbies etc.? Sure, work is important. It is great way for us to express ourselves and stamp our mark on society; not to mention a source of income. However, it is not all that there is to life. I have yet to meet anybody who is truly happy spending all their time on work activities.
It is important that time is found for non-work activities. The power of ‘No’ is that it allows you to make that time available. By saying ‘No’ to the tasks which are not important, you can get more of your most important work completed during your assigned working hours; allowing you quit work on time and transition, guilt free, into your personal life.
3. Retains your personal power
When you fail to say ‘No’ where you really should, you are loading yourself up with extra work and responsibilities. More importantly, you are giving away control of your life. This weakens your sense of personal power and will eventually damage your confidence and self-esteem too.
When you start to say ‘No’ you start to wrestle back control of your life. You begin to dictate how your life is spent, not others. With the sense of control comes increased personal power and elevated confidence and self-esteem.
This is critical because when you build your personal power, you tell yourself that you, and your time, are to be respected. And, when you respect yourself, others are sure to follow.
4. Builds relationships through acceptance
The principle reason why people fail to say ‘No’ when they really should, is that they are worried about what others might think of them. This need for approval is damaging to relationships and to your own self-respect.
It’s worth looking at the situation from the other perspective. If your friend said ‘No’ to your request, how would you react? Sure, you might be a little disappointed but you would accept it. They are your friend and friends are willing to accept the decisions of their friends. You understand that they have to do what is best for them. So, shouldn’t you expect your friends to react the same way? The same goes for colleagues, bosses etc.
Any relationship where one party is not prepared to accept ‘No’ for an answer is not going to be a long-term relationship based upon respect.
5. Establishes respect
While people might not initially like the fact that you have increased your personal power, and started to say ‘No’; they will soon change their tune. The reality of life is that the people we respect the most are the people who are true to themselves.
Think about that for a minute. Think about the people you respect most and why you respect them. If you want to be more like the people you admire, you don’t have to copy everything they do. You just need to copy their core principle – be true to yourself.
The ultimate way to be true to yourself is to take charge of your key resources e.g. time, money and energy. You can choose to spend these resources on the things which matter most to you by saying ‘No’ to anything which isn’t important. This will allow you to carve your own path in life and in the process, you will find that many more people have increased respect for you.
Conclusion
It’s just a simple word, containing only two letters but ‘No’ is often the hardest word to say. When you can’t say ‘No’ you are not helping yourself; or anyone else for that matter. You lose respect for yourself and your confidence and self-esteem plummet through the floor. You require more energy than you possess, leading to stress and potential health issues.
You give up total control of your life as others increase their demands on your time, money and energy. When you change course, and start to say ‘No’, it can take some time to feel comfortable. But you will soon start to reverse the trend with increased respect for yourself and, from others. You take control of your life and begin to create more of the things that you really want. The real power of ‘No’ is that it allows you to be you. A simple, two-letter word allows you to be so much more than you have been settling for. Give it a try. You really have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
About the author
Carthage Buckley is a Stress and Performance Coach who helps entrepreneurs, management and driven professionals to identify and eliminate the sources of stress while developing and implementing strategies to realise their objectives and create a happy, healthy and successful life.
The principle philosophy of Carthage’s coaching is that the individual can shape their own world, rather than waiting for their world to shape them. Working from the inside out, it is perfectly possible for each person to create their own life, allowing them to fulfil their personal desires while living in harmony with the world around them.
Carthage has lived and worked in 5 countries and continues to work with clients all around the world, both in person and via the Internet.
