By Aaron D Smith
The thought of conflict can make the most experienced leader anxious. Many people have different views on just about everything. It seems to be more popular to say nothing at all, or address the concern in a passive-aggressive manner, rather than addressing the concern head on.
The climbing popularity of social media has helped the passive-aggressive nature of some to vent concerns to the world, but not to the person that needs to be addressed. Many times, once the venting is done, there is a sense of relief. The situation feels as though it’s gotten better. Sometimes it seems to be easier to avoid conflict by just leaving it alone.
I’m guilty of all of those feelings. Why? Because, conflict can be scary.
But when we take a closer look we can see that conflict, at its core, is merely an expressed difference of opinion. That’s not so scary by itself… but it depends on who has that difference of opinion. In the workplace, sometimes the person with a different opinion is someone you have great rapport with, someone you are supervised by, or someone you supervise. This can make addressing conflict a little more challenging.
I bet that it doesn’t take you long at all to think about the people who could potentially cause conflict in your life. You can look all around social media to find people venting about various topics. You might also be able to find this type of venting in your work place.
On a weekly basis, I am made aware of conflict between co-workers. Typically, the first thing I ask is, “Have you talked to them about it yet?” Usually the answer is no, because the person didn’t want to make things worse.
In my experience, not saying anything typically makes the situation worse.
So, I began thinking about conflict and why it’s so scary. Is it the topic, or is it the person that creates such a concern (or is it both)?
Why is the situation causing so much anxiety? Sometimes it’s because we expect the outcome to be worse than the current disagreement. Can the outcome be worse in the short-term? Yes. But in the long run, addressing the situation will allow you to have peace.
How can you achieve this peace and become more comfortable addressing conflict? This became much easier for me when I began looking at each situation as though I’m setting expectations.
When setting expectations you:
Create an understanding concerning the mutual need for order (Why are we setting expectations?)
Align these expectations with mutual goals – (Ultimately, what are we trying to accomplish?)
Allow discussion so that there is buy-in (What are other’s thoughts?)
Are very specific concerning guidelines (Are these expectations clear for everyone?)
Obtain agreement (Are we on the same page?)
Considering the who and the what of the conflict can help develop the expectations that need to be set. Expectations generally are set early, and often (if necessary). Many times conflict becomes scarier the longer it’s put off.
The next time it looks like there’s conflict on the horizon, just remember, it’s time to reset the expectations so that you can find peace.
