By Deirdre Murray, Executive Coach, Trainer and Facilitator with PEOPLE RESOURCES
10 top tips to help you bounce back to build resilience and manage stress.
‘Life will always give you consequences related to your actions.’ Jack Canfield
Are you someone who can shoulder life’s burdens no matter what comes your way, or are their certain stresses and strains that leave you completely bereft of energy and a feeling of total overwhelm?
Do you….
Set yourself impossible deadlines?
Take on several jobs at once?
Walk and talk very quickly
Find you’ve eaten your meal before everyone else?
Have a burning sense of ambition?
Feel you are unable to sit still and fidget constantly?
Worry endlessly about things that haven’t even happened yet?
We can all suffer from stress at certain times in our lives – in fact, some people seem to endlessly thrive on it! As one dynamic lady said to me, “my work/life balance is my work! I wouldn’t want it any other way!”
We can all face our own internal battles from time to time and this is why stress is often viewed in a negative fashion. However, a certain amount of stress is good for us – it gives that spurt of adrenalin to keep going; it helps us react under pressure; it enables us to perform at our optimum and we feel challenged; it is essential for our survival and assists us in times of crisis. However, it is only when the level of stress becomes destructive instead of constructive, that it can lead to personal physical and emotional damage.
The impact of uncertainty and financial strain among today’s workforce can cause job burnout and stress in epidemic proportions. Studies show that one in four of us will suffer from depression at some stage in our lives. Employees at all levels can often feel stressed out, insecure, and misunderstood. Many people feel the demands of the workplace combined with the demands of home life have become too much to handle.
One lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked ‘How heavy is this glass of water?’ Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.
The lecturer replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance!
In each case, it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”
It’s the same with stress. Sometimes we keep going like an energiser bunny until the batteries grow dim and it takes us twice as long to bounce back to our normal high levels of energy. Stress in insidious – we don’t watch for it, pay attention to it and sometimes are puzzled about how it can take complete control of our lives.
Stress is an adaptive response to a situation that is perceived as challenging or threatening to our well-being. It is the difference between perceived demands and the resources we have within us to meet those demands.
Stress is our individual reaction to a situation, not the situation itself.
Some aspects in life such as an excessive workload are completely manageable for some people. For others the juggling required in minding children and a heavy workload or demanding boss can produce enormous stresses if not managed effectively, especially with limited social support.
Whilst we usually think of the negative aspects of stress, it is important to remember that there is also a positive side of stress, called ‘eustress’. This is the healthy, positive, constructive outcome of stressful events. We all need some level of stress or adrenalin to keep us motivated, challenged and performing at our optimum level. Working under a manageable amount of pressure can enable us to achieve great things and come up with excellent new ideas.
Distress, on the other hand reflects the negative side of stress. Distress represents the level of physiological, psychological, and behavioural deviation from normal healthly functioning.
Picture the relationship between stress and performance as an inverted ‘U’. Stress, up to a certain point is good in that it challenges us to work at our best. However, once this point is reached, stress can become negative and more dysfunctional. Stress can have serious physiological, psychological and behavioural outcomes.
Physiological outcomes of distress include cardiovascular disease, hypertension, headaches, blood pressure, headaches or gastrointestinal problems.
Psychological outcomes of distress may include dissatisfaction, moodiness, depression, emotional fatigue, anxiety, apathy, or burnout.
Behavioural consequences include diminished work performance, accidents, absenteeism, aggression, poor decisions, sleep disorders, smoking, and over-reliance on alcohol or drugs.
Coping Positively with Stress
How can we build our resilience in managing stress and create a more positive approach to how we think about, react and deal with stress in our busy lives?
The most important thing to remember about stress, is that once we are aware of how we are feeling and what makes us feel stressed and can begin to recognise the symptoms, we can begin to manage it.
We can use a combination of three approaches to cope with stressors and stress.
A Take-charge strategy consists of using our behaviours and thoughts to anticipate or solve problems. We have a choice to take back control. With a ‘take-charge attitude’, we can begin to take control over our work and work environment. If all else fails, we have also the choice of leaving a particular job in order to gain more flexibility and freedom.
Another strategy might be an ‘escape strategy’. This simply avoids the problem and nothing gets resolved! Our behaviours and thoughts either rationalise away the problem or ignore it. Individuals use this strategy when they passively accept stressful situations or avoid them by failing to confront the cause of stress. However, this does little to get to the root of the problem and it gets pushed under the carpet for another day!
A positive management strategy uses relaxation, meditation, medication (if recommended by your G.P) and regular exercise to manage the symptoms of stress. This allows the individual to give themselves permission to press the pause button and take time out to relax and unwind. By focusing on a positive strategy you can choose practical options that will help you alleviate your stress levels.
10 Stress Busters!
1. Pause and Step Back
Examine why you are responding in a stressful way. As Victor Frankl once said, ‘between any stimulus and response there is a pause’. Take that pause now and choose how you want to respond to what is happening around you.
2. Remove the Stressor
Attempt to minimize or completely remove the stressors that are causing you so much grief. If you need more social support, identify ways in which you could alleviate some of the pressure you’re experiencing. Outsource routine aspects that are overburdening you; ask for help with that big project; decide what you need to STOP doing.
3. Change your perception of the stressor
Look at the positive things in your life and remind yourself of these. Don’t let what’s happening to you currently, cloud the wonderful achievements you have had. Keep a sense of humour! As my late father always said, “remember it takes 88 muscles to frown and 4 to smile!” Don’t take yourself too seriously. Failure is only feedback and an opportunity to learn and get it right next time! Padraig Harrington, our renowned Irish golfer was once quoted as saying, “If you’re going to be successful you’re going to make loads of mistakes!”
4. Examine what really matters to you – sometimes less is more.
Ask yourself – What can I let go of? What is really important to me? What if I decide to worry about an issue when it arises and deal with it at that time rather than ponder over it now? As a very good colleague once said, “worry is interest paid before it’s due!”
5. Get Active!
“Motion is emotion” as Tony Robbins would say. By changing our physiology we can immediately change our emotions. Stand up, move position, lift your head up, shoulders back and smile! It’s very hard to feel overwhelmed when you smile! Go for a walk around the block or in a nearby park and walk that tension into the ground! Put on some relaxing music as you drive home from work, instead of listening to endless negative stories about the economy!
Exercise stimulates blood flow to the brain, as well as the nervous system and produces chemicals such as serotonin and endorphins, which can have a positive impact on how we feel.
6. Only focus on what you can control – not what is outside your control
Write down the top 10 things you are worrying about on post-it notes. Divide these into issues that are within your sphere of influence and those which are completely outside your control. Surprised! Sometimes we spend more time worrying about things we can do nothing about! By focusing on what you can control, we can begin to take positive steps to take action!
7. Manage your time – don’t let time manage you!
Do you run from one crisis to the next and are caught up in a trap of being busy without being productive? Notice how you are spending your time. The most successful and productive people focus about 60% of their time on the big ticket items that will really add value for the longer term. They include planning, prevention, adding value and building relationships rather than getting caught up in the day-to-day crises and troubleshooting.
Practice the 4 D’s. If there’s something you can do in 10 minutes just do it. Otherwise delegate it, dump it (sometimes the bin can be the best filing cabinet!) or defer it with a flag for a planned later date.
Remember – Saying no is saying yes to yourself!
8. Never seek total perfection as you’ll never get there!
Trying to do everything perfectly creates a lot of stress and can become obsessive. Trust that you have done the best you can, breathe and let go.
9. A problem shared is a problem halved.
The research emphasises that in some of the ‘best places to work’ each person has a trusted colleague to talk to. Who is your trusted colleague or friend who you can confide in about how you are feeling and help reduce the burden?
10. Give yourself permission to relax!
We are so caught up in the future sometimes that we forget the present! We rush from one activity to the next without taking time to breathe! There are a number of excellent relaxation techniques like yoga, mindfulness and meditation and massage which are a great way to relieve stress. Schedule personal time in your diary to rest and relax as much as your business time.
Have a great day! Would be delighted to hear some positive ways you deal with stress in your everyday life!
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About the author
Deirdre Murray is a Founder and Director of PEOPLE RESOURCES, partners as an Executive Coach, Trainer and Facilitator with leading multinationals and public sector bodies across all sectors.
She operates both nationally and internationally with leading global companies and across many public sector bodies to maximise leadership potential and change among leaders and teams. She provides focused and timely business coaching, career coaching, team coaching and mentoring programmes, as well as tailored leadership development and change programmes and action learning interventions. Deirdre is co-author of “Emotional Intelligence (EQ) – A Leadership Imperative!” Her second book “Communicate for Success! – How to Influence & Persuade with Impact!” is due to be published shortly. She is a regular motivational speaker at conferences, seminars and on radio broadcasts and provides journal entries for leading business magazines.
