by Dr. Claire Hayes, Consultant Clinical Psychologist
How did you manage during the recent storms? Powerlines were knocked, water supplies
were affected and some homes were damaged. Tragically some people died, while others
were severely injured. Despite warnings, supplies such as batteries and gas canisters were in short supply.
As we get back to normal, we can be absolutely certain that more storms will arise in the
future. We can use this time to get ready or we can put things on the long finger once more.
You probably already know that different kinds of storms will impact on your work. Working
with people guarantees that at times you will work with colleagues who are feeling over-worked, pressured, misunderstood, unappreciated, exhausted, unmotivated, frustrated,
unhappy and maybe just fed-up. They might hide their feelings, they might bottle them up
and/or they might let you know that they are not feeling great by snapping or maybe even
losing their temper.
If you notice yourself walking on eggshells around someone it is likely that you have picked
up some warning signals. What do you do? One option is to ignore how they seem to be
feeling, a second is to ask them if there is anything wrong while a third is to challenge them.
There are other options too, of course. What you choose to do may depend on the relationship you have with them. If you are their manager you will not be expected to condone what others might see as inappropriate behaviour. If they are more a good colleague or even a friend and have shared with you that they are going through a particularly hard time in their personal life, you might find yourself being in a more protective role.
If you are not in a great place yourself and are having a bad day, it can be too easy to snap
back at someone, to take things personally and/or to decide that you are just not cut out for the job. It is not good to discover that some of your colleagues are walking on eggshells
around you. It is even worse to learn that a formal complaint has been made about you.
Just as being prepared is a good idea when a storm is on its way, being prepared for conflict, disagreement and other people’s moods is essential in your job as a Human Resource Manager.
My passion has always been in prevention. When I discovered the powerful impact of
cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) in helping people understand and cope with a range of
difficulties including anxiety, depression, substance abuse and relationship difficulties, I
wondered why the basic CBT principles were not taught long before challenges became
major stressors. You may be familiar already with the Coping Triangle, which is my way of
explaining these basic principles in three steps. Step One is to identify your thoughts, feelings and actions using an inverted triangle. Step Two is to ask four key questions: (1) Do your feelings make sense? (2) Are your thoughts helpful or unhelpful? (3) What do you believe as it may not be true? and (4) Are your actions helpful or unhelpful. Step 3 is The ABC Coping Sentence: A = acknowledge your feeling, B= because, i.e. making sense of them and C = what you choose to do. A sample ABC Coping Sentence is: ‘I feel frustrated right now because I think that there is too much expected from me with too little support but I choose to continue to do the best I can/ I choose to ask for, get and use support/ I choose to remember to take care of myself too. During the time of Covid, I made a short video for medical personnel to introduce them to the ABC Coping Sentence with some examples you might also relate too. You can watch the video here.
You also might be interested in reading a booklet I wrote for Accountants: ‘The
Professionals’ Guide to Understanding Stress and Depression’ which is free to download
from charteredaccountants.ie This goes through the three steps of The Coping
Triangle in detail.
Being prepared for future storms in the workplace requires you to understand your own
stressors and how you respond to them, as well as having as good a sense as you can of the stressors those you work with might have, how they respond to them and what is appropriate for you to do to help them cope with these.
This is the time for you to recharge your own batteries and make sure that you have enough energy, enthusiasm, support and job satisfaction to sustain you when times get tough
About the author
Dr. Claire Hayes is passionate in the areas of coping, prevention and resilience. Her
interest in helping people cope with stress dates back to research she carried out in
the Irish Management Institute in 1988 on how people cope. Her two Masters
degrees and her PhD expanded on this work, exploring further the areas of stress,
coping, prevention and resilience.
Claire continues to build on her combined forty plus years of training and experience as a clinical psychologist, lecturer, executive coach, author and teacher to help individuals, groups and organisations to understand the particular nature of their stressors and to apply evidence-based psychological principles to help them cope with these. Claire has written widely on how to help people cope with stress and has become a regular contributor to Irish national media including current affairs television and radio programmes and national press. Her fifth book, ‘Enjoy Work: Enjoy Life – A Practical Guide’, which is due to be published in the Spring of 2025, will be an invaluable resource for HR Directors and Managers.
If you are interested in Claire working with you and/or your Company to develop
your resources to manage stress well, you can contact her at [email protected]
