by Andrea Hayes,
So many of us wait until the new year before we start living our best life and setting new healthy goals for ourselves, what if you where to do something simple today that your future self would thank you for.
Why not start today with an expectation of love for everything in your life. If I asked you to name all the things you love in your world, how long would it take you to say yourself? Try starting every day by saying to yourself I love you!
Our work and personal lives can get very hectic and sometimes it feels like our world is a busy crossroads, with demands on our time constantly pulling our energy in different directions. It is very easy to always be giving and allowing your engine to almost run on empty.
We find ourselves caring for our work, our families, our friends, our homes, our neighbours – and in the midst of all these concerns and activities, what happens? We totally forget about looking after the most important person – our self.
How often have you said, ‘I have so much to do!’?
Think about how much you are doing for yourself. After all, how are you going to give to others if you are not looking after you first?
I was totally at odds with my life and even with my body because I felt it somehow had let me down. I was crippled with pain daily and that is very difficult to overcome. Instead of feeling love for the wonderful gift of life, I was focusing on all the negatives in my life – life was a chore from the moment I got out of bed until I ended the day, and all the while I had the additional burden of constant pain.
‘I can handle this,’ I told myself. ‘I’ll be fine.’
And I did seem fine. But my desire to please and be all things to all people was choking me – I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I often would keep going and keep giving – to work and to everything and everyone else around me – until I came home and simply collapsed. In my worst moments, I had to take a couple of weeks off work and normal life to recuperate. During this time I lost my momentum, money and confidence, so I realised I needed to stop this frenzied routine and get my work, life and ‘me’ time in balance. I enjoyed being seen as a brilliant woman who could do it all, the type of person my family and friends often called on for help in matters professional and otherwise, but I needed to be honest with myself and accept I was barely surviving.
I had read studies that suggested that not taking care of ourselves is unhealthy for those who depend upon us, and I had a daughter and family to think about, as well as my own physical and mental health, so I started to practise self-love and try to love myself
Don’t be fooled: loving yourself isn’t being self-centred or self-obsessed – it is quite the opposite, actually. It means putting effort into your self-care. This might sound easy but it takes a lot of daily commitment and focused attention to put yourself first for a change.
So why is it hard for many of us to do things for ourselves before we do so much for others? Maybe it is how we were brought up – we think looking after ourselves is being selfish – but as the old saying goes, you need to love yourself and be yourself one hundred per cent before you can love someone else.
‘Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions’
Dalai Lama
Here are some ways to start taking care of you
1 .Change Your Language
Loving yourself fully and completely has a lot to do with the language you use about yourself. Use words to describe yourself that are positive and loving. Notice today how many times you say negative things about yourself and make an effort to stop.
Switch the words ‘I should’ to ‘I could’ or ‘I would like to’. ‘Should’ limits your choices and immediately puts pressure on you. It is simply self-inflicted stress that you don’t need. For example, instead of saying ‘I should stay late at work to finish this project,’ try ‘I would like to clear my desk before tomorrow so I could stay on an extra hour tonight and get this done.’
2. Learn to say no.
If you’ve been asked to do something or feel like you ‘should’ do something, ask yourself, is it something I really want to do? Learn to say no to things that are not what you want. It is important to say no to people and activities that drain you or fill you with negative energy. If you find it very hard to say no, instead of committing to things try saying, ‘Let me get back to you on that’ – it gives you time to really consider if you want to say yes.
3. Watch your Self-Talk
The power of our thoughts was the subject of debate and discussion even in biblical times. This is highlighted in a verse in the Bible from the Book of Proverbs, 23:7
– ‘As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.’
This is perhaps the most basic statement of how I believe our minds work: our minds will believe everything we tell them, so this month make a conscious effort to feed your mind positive ideas of love and joy and visions of abundance.
I couldn’t believe how much negative self-talk I was using around my health and my lifestyle, and it was going on all day on a subconscious level. To my surprise, my negative self-talk accounted for as much as 80 per cent of my daily chitchat to myself. Stopping this, focusing on the positive through affirmations and controlling my negative energy has had a huge effect on my psyche and my health.
Try to be aware that you may be repeating negative thoughts that become ‘affirmations’ without thinking. For example, I believed and often unconsciously repeated the affirmations, both in my mind and when speaking to people, that ‘I am losing power in my arm’ or ‘I am just not able’. I said these so often that, unknowingly, I was making my brain believe they were true.
I challenge you to pay attention to your self-talk for the next day and see what your self-talk is telling you. What percentage of it is positive, do you think? What percentage of it is negative?
Think about what you are thinking right now. What do those thoughts say about you? About your life? And how well do they really match your plans for your life and how you imagine yourself in the future?
Our inner dialogue tells a story: we can decide right now if that will be positive or negative. Start now by actively listening to what you’re saying to yourself each day, notice if it is positive or negative and become aware if it is having an impact on how you feel, physically and mentally.
DARE OF THE DAY
Set aside five minutes to write out all the positive things about yourself: what you can do really well, everything you like about yourself physically, mentally and even spiritually – think about all your skills and achievements as far back as childhood.
Allow yourself to write non-stop for the full five minutes – do not think about spelling or censoring what you jot down: just keep your pen writing and don’t lift it from the page until the five minutes are up – set an alarm if you need to.
An extract from ‘My Life Goals Journal’ by Andrea Hayes – Self Love.
About the author
Andrea Hayes is an Irish broadcaster and producer whose work includes TV3’s hugely successful series Animal A&E, Dublin Airport: Life Stories and Coming Home for Christmas. She recently wrote and produced a new TV series, Dog Tales with Andrea Hayes and published a book of the same name. She is also a familiar voice on Dublin’s Sunshine 106.8fm
Andrea’s bestselling book, Pain-Free Life: My Journey to Wellness, chronicles how journaling helped her to overcome her health challenges, this was followed by the best selling book ‘My Life Goals Journal’ where she shares her practical plan to create change, achieve your goals and live your best life.
Andrea is a trained clinical hypnotherapist, Bethany Grief Minister and Spiritual Director with Anamcharadas. She lives with her husband David and daughters, Brooke and Skylar and dog Dash in Dublin.
